Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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