No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
