I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
