woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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