hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
