Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
