my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
