Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
