I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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