dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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