Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
