as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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