You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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