My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think your dad took our porno
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
