so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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