ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
