Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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