First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
