There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
