they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
