Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
