Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
