i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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