hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
