we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
