my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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