you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
