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hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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