I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
