i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
