You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
