she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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