just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
