I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
