im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
