Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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