Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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