I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
