I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
