your thong is hanging out like whoa
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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