I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
