he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
