i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
