So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
