I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
