Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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