so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
