I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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