This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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