After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
