On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
