I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
