i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
