dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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